(Featured on Yahoo’s Shine, Love + Sex Main Feature, Editor’s Pick Love + Sex and Single-Woman.TV, 140 comments) I recently read an article in a men’s magazine that talked about the fact that a lot of women believe that if a guy is willing to wait a month or more to do the deed, he’s in it for the relationship haul . But the guy writing the article said something I’ve always suspected: it’s not true.
Men just want sex period and it's got nothing to do with you. Just because he’s waited the requisite number of dates, doesn’t necessarily mean he’s hanging around. He could have been sleeping with someone else while he was waiting, or move on to someone he likes better after you.
I know. You’ve got a BFF who is positive you have to wait at least a month or he won’t take you seriously. Me too. But for every one of those, I know someone else’s BFF who slept with her now husband on the first date, and they’ve been married for years.
Which is kind of my point, girls care about this sh*t. Men don’t.
In real life, “Charlotte” probably wouldn’t be friends with “Samantha” because – as early as middle school – sexual experience becomes the dividing line among females. It’s a value judgment that we hurl at each other and then teach to guys, in the hopes that he’ll pick us instead of them.
I have friends in their 30s still trying to be “good girls”; meaning you sleep with him after the appropriate number of dates so he knows you’re a quality person, worthy-of-marriage material. Waiting tells the guy that they don’t do “this” with everyone, that he’s special and in their minds it sets the tone for him to treat them well because they were worth waiting for.
But here’s the thing I know a lot of “good girls” who are still single, and women who slept around who are in long-term relationships or married, so that kind of messes up that theory.
I also have friends who are comfortable with the hook-up. They talk about sex any time anywhere, tell you about that fantastic vibrator they just bought, or drop sexually loaded words or concepts into their conversations with men because they know that’s what some men like. But when it comes right down to it, these same women are wondering whether he’s taking them seriously, whether he’s going to call her again or whether he’s just in it for the sex.
What I wonder is, why are we still making the expression of our sexuality about him?
Sex has currency in a relationship but we’re lucky to live in a country where the way we spend it is our choice. It’s just sex. You either like it or you don’t, and whether he's willing to wait for it or not is his problem, not yours. Either way, your value as a woman has nothing to do with it.
What do you think? Do you think men care how long you wait to sleep with them? Are women more judgmental of other women than men?