Can Marriage Survive Adultery?

I’m depressed.  Infidelity rumors are swirling about Jesse James, Sandra Bullock’s husband.  Yeah, yeah, it’s not about me.  I know. Like most things in my life, I was late to the party celebrating America’s favorite girl next door.  By the time I caught up at Miss Congeniality, I fell hard and fast like everyone else.  My girl crush grew when I realized that Bullock had also produced most of her films.  This hilarious, in-control-of-her-career woman was in my mind, the ultimate representation of what it means to be a single woman.  When she got married to Monster Garage star Jesse James in 2005, I was genuinely happy for her because she had lived her own life passionately first, and now she’d met her match.

When Barbara Walters interviewed Bullock during her final Oscar Special a couple of weeks ago, Bullock said, “I always thought getting married was the end of who you were.”  She was vulnerable, genuine and almost shy as she spoke about James saying, “I never met someone who was bigger than me.”

You got the sense that she couldn’t believe her luck, that she didn’t think it was possible to have a happy marriage until she met James.  It was a beautiful interview and I admit it, I cried.

The special was taped before she had won the Oscar for The Blind Side and I knew that now she had it all, career, husband, Oscar.  She was the underdog in the category, a funny lady stepping outside of her box and risking herself because she felt like her husband “had her back.” Ironic that his alleged adultery took place while she was filming.  Bastard.

Whatever happens, I know that Bullock will survive because she knew who she was before she was married and didn’t give that up.  The marriage didn’t complete her, it just took her life in a new direction.  However if I could wave a magic wand, I’d make it go away.  I’d want her to stay married because her eyes lit up when she talked about him, because she was happy and because if she believed a happy marriage was possible, than I could too.

But if the allegations are true, why bother?   Half of all marriages that end, do because of an adulterous spouse.  Do you think a marriage can survive adultery?